Thursday, November 26, 2009

VAMPIRES! wahahahhaa

Have you ever felt like bashing one of the stupid vampire movies or books? I don't know how, but Shakespeare provided a perfect name for vampires!! I'm guessing he said this one because of some evil bloodthirsty villain. So, the next time you're talking to some crazy teenage counterpart who's gushing about New Moon, you can simply ask them-- 'what's to like about a "Pernicious bloodsucker of sleeping men"?' Oh, the questioning looks I foresee! I mean really, how many people use the word 'pernicious' every other sentence? Not many people do.

-- You can(hopefully)look forward to something on zombies, werewolves, and any other mythical creature I can find something for!

Friday, November 20, 2009


Jacob-- 91
Joe-- 27
Thom-- 97
Isa-- 71
Austy-- 130
Laura!- 135
Hannah-- 18
Matt-- 149
Cassie-- 147

mwaahahaha! Our homework, O, "Cream-faced Loons"!

-- more later...maybe =D

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Because 'eat my onion' just doesn't sound cool.

Isn't that about the most random insult you've ever heard?
Maybe in Shakespeare's time if someone had really good breath, and you were mad at them you'd tell them to go eat a leek. Sorta like, well I don't like you, so you should go be repulsive to everyone else. Maybe when they were bored they sat around and fabricated insults, yeah, maybe that's how they got so darn witty! =D

I'm sure you've all had your share of ugly screaming ( well maybe not screaming) arguments with family, friends, heck maybe some random dude got in your face in the street once. Thinking back on it you mentally kick yourself for not saying this or yelling that, so what do you do? You sit around and re-live the whole altercation --making yourself into the witty winner.

Here's the dealio, people. I want your best invented comeback or insult. In or out of context is fine, preferably random. Email it to me! I will randomly pick them each week and put 'em in the blog, we'll see if anyone can tell the difference.

Everyone of you has access to my email addy, if you don't have your own, someone in your family does, use it!

If you're not in Shakespeare class with me, send me one anyway! (please!!!!)
Questions? Email or comment. :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Water...false...they have a connection?

I was randomly flipping through one of my favorite books today( guess which one!!), and I found the sentence "She was false as water". hmmm. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??
( sorry for the attack of caps, but seriously it threw me.) So my first clue was it was Othello. Second that the word "Strumpet" kept coming up when I googled it. Othello said it about Desdemona...after he smothered he...hence the past tense there. So anyways, my thought of today is--"False as water" is pretty much an awesome was to say 'very un-constant'. My deduction ( light bulbs are going on allover the place here...)is that since water will flow anywhere, once it starts downhill it goes faster,it can boil or be ice cold, and is not really going to stay in one place'n'form most of the time. Since Othello thought Desdemona was untrue to him, he called her "false as water". Because water changes. ( Give the girl a cookie.)

I found this in my saved drafts, so I'm posting it in a fit of wild blogging.
I want Laura bora pora dora cora babora to know I love her, and hope her elbow (heehee you broke it again ;) feels better. =) ♥

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

There are so many lame jokes I could put here...

'Take it like a man!' 'Come on, suck it up!' 'I'm sure you'll live.'

I'm pretty sure you've all said or heard various variations of those three phrases. It's even probable that you're familiar with more such sayings.

So, just because I love you, and I'm nice...I wrote ya'll a little example of how to say it--the Shakespeare way!!!

Friend 1. 'Man, I'm seriously so bogged down with homework right now. I have like three scenes of that retarded play by, oh what's his name? (snaps fingers)The boring one, uhh ummm hmmm Shakespeare.'

Friend 2. 'Dude! are you kiddin' me?! I'd kill for some Shakespeare. I have a physics exam coming up, and a test in advanced math,oh and I don't even want to think about that ridiculously long essay on health care! really man, "Bear a burden like an ass!"'

'ass' as in donkey. Don't freak out anyone. So if you want to use this quote, but will be penalized by your mother for using the word 'ass', simply replace it with 'donkey'.The one in the example is the true, gloriously Shakespeare way.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The "Infinite and endless liar"

Scolding queen-- Isa/Jacob
Taffeta punk-- Aust/bills
Notable coward-- Joe/Laura
Unfeeling fool-- Hannah/Canaan
Rude despiser of good manners--Cassie/Thom da Brazilian
Infinite and endless liar--Katey/Rachel
Valiant flea-- Carina/maaa fooo

Ok. I realize I've been pretty lax with the posting lately. I am sorry. I will endeavor to make it up to you. :o)
This week I have a challenge for you! I would like it if you could all try to use your word in a positive way...which isn't to say you can't use it negatively, if you really wish to, but try using it positively. i.e. for the "valiant flea" try using it on a small, brave person.

We've all heard of "The boy who called wolf", and some of you have heard of "Matilda who told lies and was burned to death". ( It's a really amazing poem by Hilaire Belloc, ya'll should look it up! )

Randy The "Infinite and endless liar"

'Many stories start with 'once upon a time' or, 'Once, long ago in a far away kingdom' still others start with 'THE END!''

This was lie no. 123 of the day, and it was 4:30. Randy's first lie had been at exactly 12:03 a.m. His mother had come into his room and asked if he had been reading--'No!' he said with spite that belied his untruthfulness, 'why on earth would I be reading at this ungodly hour?!' 'Well,' said his mother 'I just thought I saw a light on up here.' 'I was just looking for my chap stick!' The fact that Randy didn't actually own lip balm of any kind, and that he had never (in his memory) used any seemed to escape his notice, but not that of his mother. 'Well,' she said with no small amount of deliberation 'you had better get some sleep. You have that really big test tomorrow morning.' 'I have no clue what you're even talking about! I DO NOT have a test of any kind tomorrow.' (fallacy 3! He had in fact 3 tests the next day, that he knew of, and two pop quizzes.)

Iwasn't t that Randy was really a bad person, on the contrary, he tried to be a good one. He tried to avoid hurtful lies, in fact most of his lies were rather pointless.
He simply joyed in twisting and turning the truth. He didn't see it as a bad thing, since he almost always told little white lies. It was a kind of hobby for him. While others spent hours each day practicing instruments, and playing sports, Randy lied.

...To be continued, maybe. ;)
P.s. "The boy who called wolf" and "Matilda" are *not* Shakespeare. ;)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

As a possibility

My very dear gentlemen,
I cannot express to you the sorrow I would feel upon hearing you were ever in the presence of a young lady, of whom you could say-- "She speaks poniards,and every word stabs." Unless you deserve these poniards, or they are Shakespeare and were found on this very blog (in which case I might sorry).

So, let's say she's being really witty, cruel, and correct. For insistence, we'll say she's talking about how the only thing you ever do is eat! Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, she continues, but you don't even seem to care what you're eating. You wouldn't know if it were healthy or slowly killing you. So long as you're eating, you don't care, heck! ya might as well be eating cow guts. You wouldn't notice anyway, that's how little you ever notice anything. Ok, we now see that this female isn't really thinking about your eating habits, it's how you never pay attention or notice anything. She's really going now, and you can see that this may last an eternity. So, gently touch her arm, or quietly say her name, to get her
attention. Once she's stopped talking, say simply and calmly, looking directly in her eyes ( If you can't help laughing when you look in her eyes, you may want to skip that. ), say "Here's a dish I love not! I cannot endure my lady tongue."

The battle is won! For once, she is at a loss for something to say. In all fairness to our lady, she's really not thinking about food, and therefore not thinking about retorts to food disses. But! you have stumped her, she may now wander petulantly away, or start another argument, and I'm sorry if she does, but at least you now have something to say to constant food nagging.

I forgot Carina and myself in my list of quotes last night, which is slightly ironic, since she said I should still give people their own quotes and I 'm the one writing all this stuff, so without further ado!

Carina/Rachel--"What is this quintessence of dust?"

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Some differences

Young Man 1:"Doth thy mouth call me?"
Young Lady 1:'Ah! My dear! My love! Oh, bliss! ( etc., etc. )'

Young man 2: "Doth thy mouth call me?"
Young Lady 2: 'Only so my moooooooouth can send you away!'

Isn't it just crazy how a different person saying the same thing can get such a different meaning across and receive such a different answer!?!

So. Some of you asked for your own personal quotes of the week, and I want each quote used by a boy and a girl. So, here goes! Everyone of these is from Macbeth, except Cassie and Austin's.

Cass/Austy-- "You crusty blotch of nature!"

Hannah/Jacob-- "This is a sorry sight."

Laura/Joe-- "'Tis said they eat each other!"

Mary/Thomas-- "You should be a woman, And yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so."

Isa/Canaan-- "[Your] horrid image doth unfix my hair."

Katie/Matt-- "[This is] a false creation proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain."

Monday, November 2, 2009

I'm in a hurry this evening. My unfinished Speech homework, and a question for Russian literature seem to be saying to me "What lack-brain is this!".

So, This one may be used for T.G.E.--

"Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar-school." ( If you want you can replace grammar with Shakespeare. teehee.)

And I found another one that can also be used on T.G.E., but I mostly thought of Gus.

"Away with him! away with him! he speaks Latin." ( I might note that you would probably want to replace 'he' with 'she' if you were using this on T.G.E., or any of you other crazy Latin whizzes.)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Just an example

This blog is for all my very dear friends, some of whom even happen to like Shakespeare! Yeehaw.

The great Enak, you've really helped me to love Shakespeare even more.

Dear girls, I'll try to find something that'll help you alway win. ;)

Dear boys, I'll try to give you a fighting chance for the last word.

Dear self, [you] "Prattle something too wildly"

Supposing any of you ever make it somewhere warm enough for a beach,
you may meet a totally cute person of the opposite sex. 'Yay!', you say to yourself, until you begin to converse and find them totally lacking in social grace and common courtesy. Yikes, they're telling you how ugly and out of style your suit is. They think you are totally pasty white! 'eeew, why'd you even come to the beach if you were just planning on blinding us all!?' states said "dull and muddy-mottled rascal" in a simpering tone. Then, goes on to complain to you about how they forgot their sunscreen! What if they burn?!?! Or even worse, what if they burn and peel.
Of course, you could always just stand and stare at them with jaws agape, wondering why, why they are even talking to you. And why it had to be today that you went to the beach. Or,you could quickly pull out a fantastic Shakespeare quote. Naturally, you choose the latter. Stating with calm indifference: "Your face is not worth sunburning". A shocked silence ensues. This complaining wimp in front of you is (at last!) at a loss for words. What do you say to that?! Away they walk. Wondering what they did you tork you off, and why they even talked to you in the first place.

I really hope that something like that never happens to you. The truth is, we'll all meet someone sometime that just needs a good ol' insult to send them packing.
Now of course, I'm not writing this blog to make you rude and crude. And I'm not trying to say that people met at beaches are always jerks. Furthermore, I don't think it'll always be someone of the opposite sex that you'll wanna get rid of. The point is, that I have this amazing book--courtesy of Sam E.J.-- and, I want to share the witty hilarity with all of you!!

So, unless otherwise stated, anything in double quotes is from Shakespeare. I'll try to give you at least one a day. They will come to you various ways...sometimes for certain people. Sometimes with little stories. Sometimes I'll give you some background on the play, or the quote, or the person saying the quote. Or whatever other ways I can think of. If you used one of the quotes, and care to share the story...send it to me, and I'll post it!