Family Friendly Insult?

Sometimes I fall into a situation where I don't actually need an insult, but I still feel like giving someone crap. Don't worry, that's just me being affectionate. ;)

So for those moments when you feel like being slightly random or perhaps are a tad bit confused by our surrounding generation.

My cure-all response for brothers,sisters, great-aunts, that weird co-worker,and the ice cream man who gave you the wrong change-- "You are strangely troublesome".

Life.

Life seems to happen quite frequently, consequently people seems to write about life-- a lot. Of course, Shakespeare's no slouch, so he wrote about life. Ehem. Basically death is part of life; death occurs in his tragedies...profound, right?
Well, there are several famous speeches in the tragedies that I'm thinking I'll use.

Macbeth says in his Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow speech that "life is but a walking shadow" I know that's pretty morbid. BUT!!! I'll make it fun.

(insert insult-able person/animal/object here) "[Your] life is but a walking shadow!"
TADAAAA! =D

Y'all have fun throwing your melodramatic fits!

Ssssssssssarcasm.

Sarcasm is my dream. I dream of a world where people love, use, and even understand it! :)

Sometimes, my sarcasm is loved and understood, but I've noticed a lack of understanding among my peers-- this is sad, some things a just meant to be cherished and beloved. Sarcasm is great for any occasion: it's just bloody brilliant!

So, without further ado, I give you some snarky Shakespeare sarcasm.

"[You]considerate stone!"

Oh, no! Bad clothes.

There are times in my life when I question humanity. How on earth did we get to this state?! What have we done to our woman? My family has always taught me that my sisters and I are better than that; that all ladies are better than objects, and as such should dress themselves accordingly.

Today, I made a trip to the airport, where I was shocked and horrified by the appearance of one of the women there. Her dress was far less than what anyone who respected themselves would have worn. It was sad.

This particular woman exuded a short of 'I don't care what you think of my clothing' attitude. That would have been fine, if she wasn't scantily clad.

If I could describe that kind of lady's impression on me I might have used Shakespeare's words and said "Thou'rt poison to my blood!"

Part two of mythical bad guys.

At one point in time I promised to post something on zombies.
However, I have grown fond of zombies since reading Pride&Prejudice and Zombies.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to have any over for dinner or anything...just not sure if it is a good plan to go around writing insults fashioned particularly for zombies.

Ehem. So, here we have something that you can use against zombies, but zombies could use it too!
Further more, anyone else could use it.
It's the insult that connects reality and myth! Wow, and some people don't like Shakespeare.

"O, there has been much throwing about of brains."

Use it how you will. But it's not my fault if you attract or anger zombies in anyway! I am NOT culpable.

I shall always mock thee!

There are always those guys who are just convinced that they are the BEST thing since sliced bread. These same fellows frequently think it is incumbent upon them to show off in every possible way.

Sometimes, the gents in question are good at many things, and their showing off of skills is quite pleasing the the eye. However, most guys just seem to view themselves as far more amazing than they actually are. The ones who think they're great, but are really nothing to write home about are the most entertaining. =D

Thankfully, these male pieces hopeful nothings happen to be really fun to watch!

We ladies can have great fun sitting on the sidelines of competition-- all the comment we need make is: "Observe him, for the love of mockery."

DUNG!! =)

Having pigs definitely has its upsides-- for instance, I can use the dung to my advantage against all foes!!

Sadly, I don't have serfs or anything to order around in the disposal of mine enemy.

It's a nice story though! I can just picture it--

The place: my illustrious...uhhh, pig plantation?

The time: whenever there were serfs. ;)

The event: the destruction of all those who attempt to defy my glorious and honorable self.

Weapons of choice: PIG DUNG & Shakespeare's grand'n'glorious words of insulting tendencies.

Great potentate:" Throw this slave upon the dunghill!"

Tadaaaaa!

Oh, the dreams of a teen who loves insults.

=)

MUST GET IN THE MOOD!!!...For Shakespeare

The days to Shakespeare camp are slipping away. whoooooo!
I feel the time to get in the Shakespeare Mood is near me.

As I (somehow!) got the role of Beatrice in the Bard's Fabulous "Much Ado About Nothing" methinks some grave punishment is in line for man kind! Just so I can get used to being insulting and tyrannical. ;)


For all of the stupid people out there who do nothing but complain-- "Y'are baggage."


For everyone lacking mouth hygiene-- "[You have]a blasting and scandalous breath."


For all of the men out there who don't act like men-- "There's no more valor in [you]
than in a wild duck."


Gleeful insulting to you!

Bye bye, brains. :)

Ok, there have been several times in my life where I couldn't find the right way to express my anger, fictitious or not.

I found something very lovely tonight though, and since it brought an abundance of joy, I'm sharing it. Of course it is Shakespeare, and it's in Hamlet. :D

My problem is my femininity makes me somewhat physically weaker than the opposite sex. Sadly, that means I cannot, with complete accuracy, challenge a male who is angering me. Sad day. BUT! =D My phrase of the day is lovely, because it could refer to intellectual strength more than physical. I know, it still doesn't work very well for me, but I know several girls who it will work for. Perhaps someday someone will see this and it will work for her [him] too. :o)

So the next time you lack a response for someone who angers you, simply say: 'I shall "Cudgel thy brains!"'

Happy insulting.

SICK!

The word 'sick' can mean several different things in the English of modern America. Of course it still means ill. However, it can now also mean: 'disgusting,' 'perverted,' and 'really cool.' Don't ask me how 'really cool' got in with all the derogative words; I've not the foggiest idea.

Anyway, I was reading over Hamlet's "To be, or not to be" and it occurred to me that the term "Sicklied o'er" could be completely distorted when taken out of context--charming. I find it very interesting how the word sick has developed into such slang. Oh well, example time!

Let us say that Jenny is ill. Ron says to their mutual friend Arther,'We can't go to Jen's dude, she's totally "sicklied o'er" she might infect!'

Perhaps it is really muddy outdoors and Ryan hates mud he might remark, 'It's "sicklied o'er" out there!'

Maybe two friends were planing on seeing a movie, with a younger sister of one of the friends. After hearing a little about the movie from another friend, however, the big brother said to his friend, 'Let's not go to that movie, I heard it was "sicklied o'er" I don't want my sister to see that.'

Joann loves bedazzled things. She sees a jeweled hat and says to Meg, 'Whoa! check out that hat, it's "Sicklied o'er"'

So, "sicklied o'er" isn't strictly insulting, but with a little sarcasm it'll do for any occasion. :)

This is for my cool-kid big sista, who reads this, even if it is grammatically incorrect.

Yay for donkeys!

"If thou be'st not an ass, I am a youth of fourteen."

Oh, the cruel irony in that statement for us youngsters.

But, we'll grow into it! I promise. Maybe.

Come to think of it, most of us are 15 these days.

However, the other day, this one guy in this one restaurant thought I was 12.

~deep sigh~ I thought I was done with that.

( Yes, I do realize I'm writing this somewhat in the style of a younger version of myself...it adds to it, if you know me well enough. )

Grammatical thoughts

"Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar-school."

After reading this particular insult, I couldn't help but think that Shakespeare wrote it with home school moms in mind. Really. They've made a bunch of snobs out of us!

Unlike most teenagers we shun the idea of borrowing something to anyone-- we lend!

And heaven forbid a song writer used the wrong lay/lie. The censure will be immediate!
especially if it didn't need to rhyme-- as you all know lay and lie are both one syllable.

Goodness only knows what might happen if 'their' playing. Oh! the horror from 'there' dog. The disgust from 'they're' being used as opposed to 'here'.

As for It's/Its...well it may be best to leave sleeping dogs lie.