Family Friendly Insult?

Sometimes I fall into a situation where I don't actually need an insult, but I still feel like giving someone crap. Don't worry, that's just me being affectionate. ;)

So for those moments when you feel like being slightly random or perhaps are a tad bit confused by our surrounding generation.

My cure-all response for brothers,sisters, great-aunts, that weird co-worker,and the ice cream man who gave you the wrong change-- "You are strangely troublesome".

Life.

Life seems to happen quite frequently, consequently people seems to write about life-- a lot. Of course, Shakespeare's no slouch, so he wrote about life. Ehem. Basically death is part of life; death occurs in his tragedies...profound, right?
Well, there are several famous speeches in the tragedies that I'm thinking I'll use.

Macbeth says in his Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow speech that "life is but a walking shadow" I know that's pretty morbid. BUT!!! I'll make it fun.

(insert insult-able person/animal/object here) "[Your] life is but a walking shadow!"
TADAAAA! =D

Y'all have fun throwing your melodramatic fits!

Ssssssssssarcasm.

Sarcasm is my dream. I dream of a world where people love, use, and even understand it! :)

Sometimes, my sarcasm is loved and understood, but I've noticed a lack of understanding among my peers-- this is sad, some things a just meant to be cherished and beloved. Sarcasm is great for any occasion: it's just bloody brilliant!

So, without further ado, I give you some snarky Shakespeare sarcasm.

"[You]considerate stone!"

Oh, no! Bad clothes.

There are times in my life when I question humanity. How on earth did we get to this state?! What have we done to our woman? My family has always taught me that my sisters and I are better than that; that all ladies are better than objects, and as such should dress themselves accordingly.

Today, I made a trip to the airport, where I was shocked and horrified by the appearance of one of the women there. Her dress was far less than what anyone who respected themselves would have worn. It was sad.

This particular woman exuded a short of 'I don't care what you think of my clothing' attitude. That would have been fine, if she wasn't scantily clad.

If I could describe that kind of lady's impression on me I might have used Shakespeare's words and said "Thou'rt poison to my blood!"

Part two of mythical bad guys.

At one point in time I promised to post something on zombies.
However, I have grown fond of zombies since reading Pride&Prejudice and Zombies.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to have any over for dinner or anything...just not sure if it is a good plan to go around writing insults fashioned particularly for zombies.

Ehem. So, here we have something that you can use against zombies, but zombies could use it too!
Further more, anyone else could use it.
It's the insult that connects reality and myth! Wow, and some people don't like Shakespeare.

"O, there has been much throwing about of brains."

Use it how you will. But it's not my fault if you attract or anger zombies in anyway! I am NOT culpable.

I shall always mock thee!

There are always those guys who are just convinced that they are the BEST thing since sliced bread. These same fellows frequently think it is incumbent upon them to show off in every possible way.

Sometimes, the gents in question are good at many things, and their showing off of skills is quite pleasing the the eye. However, most guys just seem to view themselves as far more amazing than they actually are. The ones who think they're great, but are really nothing to write home about are the most entertaining. =D

Thankfully, these male pieces hopeful nothings happen to be really fun to watch!

We ladies can have great fun sitting on the sidelines of competition-- all the comment we need make is: "Observe him, for the love of mockery."

DUNG!! =)

Having pigs definitely has its upsides-- for instance, I can use the dung to my advantage against all foes!!

Sadly, I don't have serfs or anything to order around in the disposal of mine enemy.

It's a nice story though! I can just picture it--

The place: my illustrious...uhhh, pig plantation?

The time: whenever there were serfs. ;)

The event: the destruction of all those who attempt to defy my glorious and honorable self.

Weapons of choice: PIG DUNG & Shakespeare's grand'n'glorious words of insulting tendencies.

Great potentate:" Throw this slave upon the dunghill!"

Tadaaaaa!

Oh, the dreams of a teen who loves insults.

=)